Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Two Years' War (So Far)

News from the 2L front:

1) I am glad to report that I will be starting on my note soon for publication in the Ohio State Law Journal. Unfortunately, I can't mention the title or topic, since this post might be read by the editors who will be reviewing it for publication, but I am definitely looking forward to the experience. When I do legal research, I am awed by the sheer amount of published material that is available, and truly humbled by the chance to leave my own mark, albeit a small one, on the body of knowledge that is American law. In a way, it is like having a connection to the Founders, just by participating in the Judeo-Christian legal system that they helped to foster, and by engaging the culture in such a profound way.

2) I am also looking forward to the Herman competition, which is about six weeks away and closing fast. Herman is a moot court competition in which students compete in mock appellate argument before the Supreme Court, so participating would definitely be a great chance to hone my skills, even more so than Appellate Advocacy. We are having a meeting on Wednesday to discuss the particulars, so it will be interesting to see what percentage of the class shows up (I'm guessing either 98% or 99%-I bet lots of people will want in on the action). If I don't get to compete, I may be able to clerk, so we will have to see how that goes.

3) When it comes to sports, two out of three ain't bad, I guess. It looks as though the Bucks will be playing USC for the national championship, barring an upset from UCLA, and as of this post, the Cavs are 9-5, and tied for first place in the Central Division. But right now, it seems as though the Browns don't have anywhere to go but up-I actually turned the game off at halftime last week, because I couldn't take watching Charlie Frye get pounded into the turf anymore without experiencing secondhand joint pain. Hopefully, they can salvage at least an improvement over last year's 4-12 mark, and bump up their record to 5-11 by beating Pittsburgh and Baltimore. It's pretty unlikely, but as I always say, any given Sunday.

4) I will have some more on this later, but apparently it didn't take long for Scrooge (read: people who are allergic to public Christmas displays) to start spreading Christmas cheer (read: subpoenas, lawsuits, and threats and intimidation). See for yourself.

5) Even though I have been busy, I have been able to get in some personal reading. Check out my last post, in which I review Edward Welch's "When People Are Big and God Is Small." There are lots of books in the reading queue, but right now, I am reading "Discplines of a Godly Man" by R. Kent Hughes. After this, I plan to get back to some history, maybe reading "Washington's God" by Michael and Jana Novak, depending on my schedule.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Reading: "When People Are Big and God Is Small"

Edward Welch's "When People Are Big and God Is Small" attempts to get at the root of a problem we all face at one time or another: what do we do when we encounter situations where we fear people more than God? This book caught my eye at the CLS conference, and I decided to read this one first-I am currently reading J. Kent Hughes' "Disciplines of a Godly Man," and hopefully will have a review for that soon.

The first part of Welch's book looks at different manifestations of the same problem-the fear of man. According to Welch, this takes on different names, such as "codependency" and "peer pleasure," but the result is the same-we order our lives around what other people think of us. To get at different aspects of the problem, Part I looks at the fear of being seen (the problems of sin-shame and victimization-shame), the fear of being rejected (where people become an idol that replaces the fear of God), the fear of being physically hurt (situations such as past physical abuse), and the idea that the world encourages the fear of man (through its emphasis on self-esteem and radical individualism). Part II runs through the solutions to this spiritual and emotional problem, such as growing in the fear of the Lord, knowing your real needs, and loving enemies and neighbors. Some thoughts on the book in general:

1) One of the passages that had the most impact on me is the section dealing with the difference between faith and feelings, on page 83. Welch points out that "[t]oo often, if our faith is weak, we don't see it as a serious problem. It is only when our feelings are distressing that we decide to ask others for help and prayer."

Reading this made me realize that perhaps sometimes, we stop too soon in seeking out God. Perhaps we are satisfied only with feeling faithful, instead of actually being faithful. I know that many times, it is easy to get discouraged when I pray and seek out God, only to be missing that "feeling" I get when I experience the presence of the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure how many other believers struggle with this same issue, but it gets to the heart of what Welch is saying-we are using the wrong barometer, the wrong scale, to measure God's presence in our lives. Even though we often experience a feeling of His presence and calm during times of prayer, it is important not to commit the Pavlovian error of salivating for food based on the ringing bell.

The deeper spiritual issue behind confusing faith and feelings is that it really boils down to trusting ourselves, not the promises of the Word, for when God is moving in our lives. The Scriptural principle of "ask and ye shall receive" from John 16:24 has been boiled down to "ask and you have received if you feel like it." Our feelings, like our thoughts, are inevitably tainted by our own sinful nature, and thus cannot be reliable in comparison to Scripture. When we base our perceived spiritual well-being upon them, we do so at our own peril.

2) Of the solutions the author discusses to overcome the codependency problem, I was most struck by his call to "delight in the God who fills us." Of all of the stories in Scripture the author could have chosen to illustrate this point, to show the lengths to which God will go to pursue us in His great love, the story of Hosea stands out as one of the best. God commanded Hosea to marry Gomer, an adulteress. Before and during the marriage, she continued her adulterous ways, eventually leaving the marriage to continue her life of prostitution. But Hosea continued to provide her with provisions, never giving up on his commitment to his bride. Eventually, after a nightmarish life of adultery and abuse, Gomer was sold into slavery. But Hosea remained faithful, purchasing her out of slavery and reaffirming the marriage covenant. It is an amazing story reflecting the love God has for us-how He was willing to purchase us from the dead, even at the cost of his Son, because of His love for us.

What stood out to me here is the simple reminder that God is the only One who can fill our need for love and acceptance. Like Gomer, we will stray, and try and find it in a hundred other places, but eventually we will be in bondage to our wayward passions. Yet God is always there, waiting to buy our freedom from what enslaves us, whether it's a physical addiction or a mental pattern of sin in trying too hard to please other people. It was a real encouragement to read the story of Hosea, and be reminded of the sufficiency of God's love and grace.

Overall...I would recommend this book as a practical guide if you are struggling with any issues of being too dependent on others for love, acceptance, and support. It was easy to read because it ran through a list of specific solutions, depending on the form of the problem you are facing. This is especially relevant for us Christians who are in law school, because of the minefield we face in trying to get ahead without trying too hard to please others at God's expense.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

On Being Thankful...For Law School

God truly sustained me with my visit home this weekend. It is the night after Thanksgiving, November 24th, and I am in the middle of a relaxing weekend at home. Some of the little things I have noticed:

1) The beautiful weather this week. It was sunny and 50 degrees on Wednesday for my trip home, and the traffic wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Last year, heading home the day before Thanksgiving was an ordeal-it took me 4 hours to get home to Akron from Columbus, when it normally takes about an hour and 45 minutes. But compared to last year, the trip went well-no heavy traffic beyond Delaware County, and no bad weather like last year, when I ran into a snowstorm from Mansfield to Akron. Even the bad weather has worked out-the fog this morning drove people away from the stores, making Christmas shopping a lot easier.

2) Getting to go shopping with my brother this morning-our annual tradition. I woke up at 4:30, and we caught the early sales at Best Buy and Wal-Mart, and managed to get to about a half dozen other stores before finishing around 11:00.

3) Spending time with the family, the first significant time in over a month. Last night, we went to the light display at Blossom Music Center, and tonight, to see the windows on Main Street. This was the first Thanksgiving in a few years that the windows were decorated for Christmas, and it was nice to see everything again. Each window has a theme-one is decorated with characters from "The Wizard of Oz," "Peter Pan," and so on. My personal favorite is a display showing the evolution of Santa through the centuries, in different cultures. Where else can you find out about the pioneer Santa in a buckskin coat?

4) Good food-I couldn't take one more night of Pesto or Panera. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, cooked by my brother and sister-in-law, and there were plenty of leftovers for tonight. I always eat better at home than I do in Columbus, and this weekend was a case in point.

These are the little reasons about why I am so refreshed by coming home, and why it gets harder every week to head back to Columbus.

But of all the manifold blessings in my life right now, I am thankful for the most difficult experience of my life-law school. Here's why:

First of all, the tougher things get, the closer the whole experience brings me to God. Every day I am ignored, and mistreated, and derided for the cause in which I fervently believe, serving God through the legal profession, it brings me a little closer to the Truth. The longer I have remained in Columbus, the bleaker the secular landscape appears, and it is seeing these diversions of money, power, and indulgence for what they are that is giving me the great spiritual awakening that I will need for the years ahead.

It is impossible to describe all of the undercurrents taking place to this effect, but I credit the positive influences in my life (my family, Christian and non-Christian friends who are supportive, other Blackstone Fellows), juxtaposed with the experiences I have had and people I have encountered in law school, for leading me closer to Christ than I ever could have gone in a safer environment, such as going to school while living at home. I lived that life during college, and even though I was challenged in some respects, I was never able to experience the spiritual growth I have while on my own. Somehow, I received just enough success, got thrown just enough scraps from the world's table, that I never needed to stretch myself and realize that God cannot be kept in a box-that there is something more to grab on to.

I wish I could say that this is a finished work, a three-step program under which I could claim that the first step is complete, and that I am ready to move on to the second. But God's work on my heart will never be complete until the day I die, or He calls me home.

Second, I am thankful for law school because the closer I get to God, the more I thirst for righteousness. Even as elusive as this is in my life, even with all my shortcomings, I am seeing more and more that this, not grades, money, power or prestige, is what matters. It is as though all my old idols are being left behind, and what is left is something that captivates, challenges, and dares me to rise above my own imagination. Even though I don't always achieve this in my actions, the desire is there, and I am bound to act on it.

One aspect of my desire of Him is that in law school, now that I don't have the old academic and achievement idols to hide behind, I am coming to realize more and more my own sinfulness and depravity. I compare my sinful nature to the God I serve, and it becomes all the more amazing that I am not left to rot in hell where I belong.

This is still a work a progress, however; as I continue to grow spiritually, I must enthrone God so that He can work on my heart and I can develop godliness in my life. And this is one more reason I am thankful for law school: the more I move toward God, the more I enthrone Him in my life and exercise my free will to let Him lead me where I need to go, the more He can accomplish His plan for my life.

So yes, I am thankful for the trials I have faced since last August, and for the Lord who sustains me with the rising sun each day. "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." -Rom. 8:37 (KJV)

Saturday, November 11, 2006

More on the CLS Conference

I just realized, after I published the last post, that I have hit the big 5-0. Not 50 years old, but "Thoughts From Texas" was the 50th post on Standing in the Gap. I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to express my thoughts through this venue, and for anyone who stops by to read what I have to say-thanks for your support.

So now that I have had almost a week to cogitate over my experiences at the conference, here are two things that have come to mind:

1) Probably the biggest realization I have had this week is that I allow other people too much sway over my thoughts, feelings, and generally, how I live my life. I have prayed about this problem before, and recognized it as such during my first year of law school, but it is only in the last few months that I have begun to combat it effectively. Right now, I am reading a book by Edward Welch, entitled "When People Are Big and God Is Small," that discusses this in more detail. But in my situation, the problem is twofold: a) minimizing the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Providence in my life, and b) putting these Godlike expectations on other people, whether or not they are willing to try to meet them.

Admittedly, this gets back to a theme that runs through most of my posts. Law school is an enormous challenge, both physically, in the number of hours spent studying and preparing for class, and spiritually, in that I must do my best to represent Christ to my peers and to others I encounter while I am in Columbus. But there is an antidote to the poison I face from other people, from the weight of the work, from the feelings of isolation that often surface. It is a message I need to meditate on from the time I wake up in the morning, as I sit in class, as I eat my dinner, as I drive to the store, and until I lay my head on the pillow at night.

God is good, and God is strong.

What makes law school so difficult lately is that I don't think about that enough, and it doesn't have the impact on me that it should. I found a site online that talks about the various names of God mentioned in the Bible, and the etymology of the Lord is amazing. So thinking about the names of God, which pertain to His qualities, I need to keep some of these in mind the next time I face trouble:

- My Eyaluth (strength) in the morning, when I go to class and need to remember what I have studied. This is why I said a quick prayer before Evidence on Tuesday, knowing that I would be called on and have to respond (Psa. 22:19).
- My Shaphat (judge) when I wrong someone during the course of my day, and I am convicted of my sin to apologize and repent on my knees (Gen. 18:25).
- My Jehovah-Nissi ("The Lord Our Banner") when I am called to engage the culture on the law school battlefield and defend my beliefs (Ex: 17:15; Psa. 4:6).
- My Jehovah-M'Kaddesh ("The Lord Who Sanctifies") when the Holy Spirit reaches into the dark corners of my heart to sanctify my life and lead me to increase in holiness in conformity with the call of Christ (Lev. 20:8).

Here is the site where I got these, if you want to check it out: http://www.ldolphin.org/Names.html

If God is for us, who can stand against us? One of my ongoing spiritual weaknesses is that while I love God, I minimize the extent of His power in my life. When I get bogged down in the busyness of a typical day, I forget who I work for. It is God I should be trying to please and emulate, not the people around me. So probably the best lesson or realization I had while in Texas is that I need to work on making God bigger and people smaller, and developing a healthier fear of, and respect for, Jehovah-Jireh.

What does this name mean in Hebrew? "The Lord Will Provide."

2) The other spiritual lesson I took away from the conference is that I need to work on developing the various spiritual disciplines to a greater extent. I have a decent prayer life, often taking the time to converse with God during the day, but to develop a regular devotional and worship time. The more regularity I have in my interactions with God, the less opportunity I will have to become discouraged and slip into common patterns of sin. At the conference, I purchased a book by R. Kent Hughes, entitled "Disciplines of a Godly Man," that should speak to this. I am going to read this book, then post later on specific ways I can help develop these disciplines in my life, around the law school schedule.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

Thoughts From Texas

As I am writing this, I am sitting in the San Antonio airport, waiting to catch a plane back to Columbus that, unfortunately, won't leave for about two and a half more hours. Luckily, this allows me some time for reflection:

- I have had a great time in San Antonio, coming down for the weekend to attend the Christian Legal Society convention. The theme this year was "Walking the Walk: Following Christ in Law and Life", and featured several great speakers. It was nice to hear from Alan Sears again, since I was very impressed and inspired by his addresses at the Blackstone. We also heard from Jhan Moskowitz, from the organization Jews for Jesus, and Alan Andrews, from Navigators.

Another one of my favorite speakers was Jaime Lash, who spoke on the judgment seat of Christ. In particular, he told a story about a dream in which those who were in heaven were simultaneously weeping and rejoicing, depending upon whether their works in life had withstood the test of fire, the final judgment of one's life by the torch of the Lord. He juxtaposed the pile of gold, silver, and jewels in front of Christ's most faithful servants with the barren circle of earth in front of one who had spent his life building his own kingdom.

This had a real impact on me, and it made me question what I am doing and where I am going in law school. Am I more concerned with service and doing what God wants me to do (storing treasures in heaven) or with building my resume and impressing the person sitting on the opposite side of the interview table (treasures in earth)? When I get back to Columbus, I plan to do some deep self-examination, and take a long look at my priorities and time commitments. Some changes may be in order.

- Praise-I got a work-study job. On Friday, I start working at OCLC, the Online Computer Library Center, in Dublin. I will be working in the Legal Department, doing research, writing, and performing other legal tasks for the attorneys there. My hours this semester will be pretty limited, mostly on Fridays, but I am hoping to get in some more work in the spring, depending on what my schedule looks like. I am excited, since this will get me some more legal experience, and some extra money to help out with spending and groceries.

- We also got to do some sight-seeing while in San Antonio. On Friday afternoon, we walked to the Alamo, about a half-mile from the hotel. It was inspiring for me, as someone who loves history, to walk through the old chapel and see where the fighting occurred. There were also lots of historical artifacts, including the original Bowie knife, and one of David Crockett's law books, which was inscribed with the date-1828. There were also models of a cannon that was used, and the original wall was still standing. It was a sunny day, so the pictures should turn out well-I will post some on here once they are developed.

On the way back from the Alamo, and on Saturday night, we went through the Riverwalk. This is a river that runs through San Antonio, with all sorts of shops and restaurants along the side. There are boat tours you can take to see the city-we didn't have time for a tour, but we got to see everything just the same. The food was great-on Thursday night, we ate at a place called Mexican Manhattan, right along the river, and Saturday night, we went to a restaurant/bar called Rita's Ice House. I ordered the steak fajitas, and they were delicious-the best I have ever tasted. I definitely plan to eat there when I visit again.

I will have some more spiritual reflection in the next post. I have a plane to catch.