On October

October is here, and the wind is blowing a little bit colder each day. The leaves are changing colors, even here on High Street, a brilliant red and gold. And it is the heart of football season.

But this is a tough time right now, going through the onslaught that is the second year of law school. I actually had a moment tonight where I looked at my to-do list for tomorrow, and realized that I literally do not have enough hours in the day, or week, to get everything turned in that is due. I will try to do it, but it will be an awful tme crunch, alleviated only when Friday night comes along.

I don't mean to sound melodramatic in saying all this; I have a good life. But every day, I want to see the Savior in what I do, and it's just so difficult to see much of anything beyond a to-do list and the next deadline. I am just tired of being ground into powder-the endless procession of reading, deadlines, acc-checks, all of it. I am laboring for the Lord, but some days the workload can be crushing.

I just got done reading a book called "The Sacred Romance", by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It is an excellent book, and I highly recommend it as a companion to "Wild at Heart", by Eldredge. It talks about the journey of having communion with God and becoming synchronized with His purpose in our lives-this is the Sacred Romance to which the author refers.

Overall, the message has caused me to have mixed feelings about what I am doing with my life right now. On the one hand, the part of me that feels called to participate in the defense of Christianity and traditional values in the culture is gratified that God has chosen me to at least receive the requisite education. I am proud that I have gotten to attend a first-tier law school, watch the Massachusetts constitutional convention, work to His glory this past summer in Cincinnati, and that I will soon get to have another adventure when I travel to San Antonio. There are countless times when I get lonely in my apartment, or discouraged, or feel like I have let God down somehow, when the Holy Spirit shows up just in time to give me the strength to keep going. I think that this is part of the Sacred Romance, that alluring path which I have managed to stay on these past several years.

Yet I also get this nagging feeling that I could do more. This takes two forms: it is either self-doubt, in which case it comes from my own sinful nature or from the Enemy, and should be discarded, or it is God calling me elsewhere. If it is from God, He either wants me to leave law school behind and pursue another calling, or reorder my priorities at Moritz.

I have come to the conclusion that it is a combination of the former and the latter. I have prayed dozens, scores of times for God's guidance on whether to stay here, and each time, the gut feeling is the same: stay. Don't give up.

And here I stay.